++ tHe bItChInG ChAnNeL ++

Monday, August 02, 2004

Do you still remember your first love? The one whom make ur heart skip when u saw him.. The one whom u shared ur first kiss with.. The one who will always remains in your heart for your entire life..

We were classmates during lower secondary. I have no idea how on earth did I attract M in the frst place. After all, he was rather good looking (at that point of time) and I was only a plain jane. It was a class chalet that brought us together and I can still remember we first held hands on my 14th b'day celebration. He was then the center of attention in our school and alot of girls adored him. I felt very insecure when I see how well he treated other girls. I wanted him to be mine and became very possessive and soon we started to drift apart. All his friends as well as his brother hated me for not giving him freedom and pressurised him to end this relationship. Of course they won in the end, we eventually broke up..

I tried my best to move on bravely and thaw we will never cross each other's path again.. Until we got the news from the school that he brother was very ill.. As a schoolmate (I don't even dare to say that I'm his friend anymore), I went to visit his brother in the hospital with the rest of our friends.. This is when our feeling rekindles.. I know we still had feelings for each other n I would spend most of my days after school to accompany him to the hospital.. But of course, we did not dare to tell anybody including my close friends about our relationship.. We started to see lesser of each other during secondary 4 when his brother eventually got well n came back to school.. It's really difficult for him to meet up with me as his friends will always follow him around whereever he goes.. At the same time, he had also fallen in love with another girl..

I thaw everything would end after GCE 'O' Levels as we didn't really get to see each other during the 6mths break while waiting for poly admission.. I really duno if fate is playing a game on us but we ended up not only in the same poly but in the same course as well.. Seems like we can't let go of this relationship and started seeing each other again.. It's really difficult as we don't want to be seen by our friends.. His friends n brother still don't like the idea that we're together and we have to kept this relationship all to ourselves.. We always meet up in the void decks where we discuss on homeworks.. He is really nice and even when around to search for my favourite jelly beans on my 17th B'day (I still had the bottle in my display cabinet).. Soon after, we both decided to take on part time jobs to earn extra cash.. He worked in 7-11 while I joined Melissa in a thai resturant where I met John..

John showered me with alot of love n make me felt so pampered as if I'm a little princess. This kind of attention is wat I can't get from M.. I told John abt M n told him that there's no way for me to betray M.. But eventually, with the help of Melissa they managed to talk me into leaving this current relationship or maybe I would say it's not even a relationship at all.. John won my heart on Christmas Day when M was away on a family holiday.. I've finally decided leave M quietly like how we started, he sent me a sms saying that he missed me alot and hope to see me soon.. I was confused again n didn't know wat to do.. Melissa told me that she will help me to break the news to him on my behalf so that I won't get to face him again..

I soon received an email, the first n last email that M sent me.. He told me that he respected my decision and knew that he can't provide me the things that I wanted.. He finished the email with the lyrics of N'sync "This I promise you".. I thaw I will be strong and accepted his blessings but I broke down when he left a voice mail where he sang Daniel Chan's "比我辛福" (we made this promise that we will sing this song to whichever of us who found our true love) and cried for the very first time.. I wanted so much to see him at that point of time but knew that it's impossible coz I'm already John's girl.. I felt very guilty but it's already too late.. His promises came too late and I know that we had to move on w/o each other..

It's been 3 years since and thaw I won't be bothered about it anymore and put all of these behind me.. But my feelings just suddenly rekindles by itself when I met him @ a party recently.. I know he still hates me for leaving him w/o a word and not giving him a chance to explain.. I wanted so much to say "Sorry" but I just can't do it.. His doing very well now and already had a new girl in his heart.. I know that this relationship will never work out and all I can do now is to wish him all the best and hopefully he will find his true love.. 一定要比我辛福..

吻

如果时间能把我们的思念稀释了
从此以后互不相干各自爱着别的人
只要不遇见忽然下雨的清晨
在起床的时候会莫名的失神

说好决定要努力忘了啊
为何还有泪停在脸颊
你身边是否还是那个她
取代我在你醒来吻你吗
取代我在你醒来吻你吗

如果当时我们都能够勇敢的承认
困为太在乎对方所以才倔强的等待着
后来每个失眠的午夜时分
还不愿意后悔却忍不住会问

说好决定要努力忘了啊
为何还有泪停在脸颊
你身边是否还是那个她
取代我在你醒来吻你吗
取代我在你醒来吻你吗

那段流着眼泪寻找解答的日子
已过去了只是没想到爱情要我们付出漫长想念代价

说好决定要努力忘了啊
为何还有泪停在脸颊
你身边是否还是那个她
取代我在你醒来吻你吗
取代我在你醒来吻你吗

Poisonivy on 8/02/2004 03:45:00 PM

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